Bender grew up in a secular Jewish family in Los Angeles. His father was a furrier to the Hollywood community. He studied art with Los Angeles artist Martin Lubner (spouse of actress Joanna Merlin) and then went into acting "because it seemed like what I could do and make a living." As an actor, Bender guest-starred on All in the Family, The Bob Newhart Show and The Mary Tyler Moore Show. He co-starred in The Million Dollar Duck, Savage and McNaughton's Daughter. He then went into directing, working on a number of television series.
He directed the popular slasher film Child's Play 3 before becoming an executive producer and lead director on the ABC TV series Lost, directing 38 episodes of the show, including the series finale. Bender has also directed on other popular shows such as The Sopranos, Carnivàle, Alias and Boston Public. In recent years he was an executive producer and lead director on the TV series Under the Dome (2013) and The Last Ship (2014–15). In 2016, Bender directed the fifth and sixth episodes of the sixth season of Game of Thrones, followed by a limited TV series adaptation of Stephen King's novel Mr. Mercedes.
Bender received nominations for the Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Directing for a Drama Series for his direction of the Lost episodes "Live Together, Die Alone", "Through the Looking Glass" and the series finale "The End". He was also nominated for the Game of Thrones episode "The Door".

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